A Gratuitous Epic

So, I went to go see the film Watchmen the other night and I can't decide if I like it. I faced a similar predicament after seeing 300 which was another graphic novel film directed by Zach Snyder. However, my reasons for disliking 300 were far different than my reasons for disliking Watchmen.

As the title of this post would have you believe, this film is gratuitous. The blood, broken bones, severed limbs and disintegrations are unapologetically served in graphic heaps. Most of the time, I don't mind some excessive violence, nudity and tasteful scenes of intimacy. Unfortunately, I feel like the violence, nudity and sex are the only thin supports of this 2+ hour behemoth.

The plot and acting in the film are by no means terrible, but the characters and story are presented haphazardly. Flashbacks and exposition dominate a huge portion of the movie leaving little time left for a story. Watchmen is thoroughly bogged down with detailing the setting and characters well before the one hour mark and never really gets around to extricating itself from... well, itself.

Comic book and superhero movies are rarely philosophical or intellectual exercises nor do they typically try to be. Watchmen desperately tries to change the status quo. Some might like the message delivered, but the degree of cynicism demonstrated is thoroughly unpleasant and unfulfilling. Frankly, there is plenty of cynicism and bitterness in the news today and the last thing I want when I go see a movie is more cynicism and bitterness.


If 4th term President Nixon is your Lawful Good character, you have either a bad D&D game or a very dark story.

Before I scare everyone away from the theatres, I should say that Watchmen did a lot of great/cool/enjoyable things. Visually, the movie is very impressive. Watchmen manages to pull off the graphic novel look without relying on the film noir look of Sin City or the highly stylized visuals of 300. Mr. Manhattan looks like a blue Michelangelo's David (minus the hair), but never sticks out like a sore thumb among human actors as full CG characters often do. As I mentioned before, there is a lot of gratuitous violence, but the action scenes are all exciting and fun. The camera work is also good and it has a distinct lack of "shaky-cam" which ruined the action scenes of Quantum of Solace.

Watchmen is a great sounding movie, too. The effects are all superb, but the soundtrack is a different story. The music is really hit-or-miss. Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries is dialed up for a thoroughly enjoyable re-imagining of a classic scene from Apocalypse Now. Then Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah is used for a love scene and the result is one of the cheesiest and overall worst movie scenes in recent memory.

The superheroes are diverse as are their numerous human flaws (sociopath - check, infidelity - check, ambition - check, pride - check, erectile dysfunction - check). Oddly enough, the only character I liked was the sociopathic Rorschach, but they were all great characters and I enjoyed disliking them.

I wouldn't suggest rushing to see Watchmen immediately. Instead, if you want to see it in the theatres, then wait until the crowds diminish (fewer people giggling at penises) and get a good seat (the new Star Trek and Terminator trailers are awesome). Otherwise, wait for a DVD/Blu-ray rental.

A few weeks after seeing 300, I decided that I liked it. The presentation of historical events, people and societies was atrocious and slanderous. I could spill pages of complaints about the true nature of hoplite warfare, Persian society and ancient Greek mysticism. However, Herodotus was hardly a first-hand, unbiased source. 300 preserved the heart of the events at Thermopylae and injected myth, exaggeration and color into the story. 300 was a bloody movie, but it was heavily stylized and lacked the excessive gore showcased in Watchmen. More importantly, 300 lacked the bitter cynicism that really dulled my experience with Watchmen.


King Leonidas leaves his armor and pants in the phalanx. As the internet memes say, "fail hoplite is fail."

I will probably come around and learn to appreciate Watchmen. When I first saw Fight Club, I hated the gratuitous violence and cynical message, but now I enjoy it. The problem is: I don't know why I like Fight Club.